This is my first ever blog posting. I am very self conscious and embarrassed as I write out my thoughts on a webpage where ANYONE could read.
English is my second language, and my writing is not my strongest point. I am mainly worried that what I could express in words would not be sufficient to fully explain my thoughts and that it would sound like a 5th grader’s writing. Knowing my capacities, I feel that writing publicly without making a fool out of myself is almost impossible, and it would very much hurt my self-esteem because I don’t want to be portrayed to the world as ignorant. It is mainly of this reason that I was overwhelmed by the blogging assignment.
When do you feel overwhelmed? Without looking it up on the dictionary, I tried to explain what the word meant as I learned it. I feel overwhelmed when some feeling is so great that it cannot be handled in a calmly manner. In this case, that feeling is stress, which comes from the fact that I have to write out my thoughts for the whole world to see despite my poor writing skills. To be more exact, it comes from the fear of being criticized by others who read my not-so-great writings. The fear would cause so much distress that I do not even want to steer myself toward the direction. I even thought about dropping the class because of the assignment—a pretty impulsive solution and definitely not calmly thought out.
I wonder how other classmates feel about blogging. Is it as much of a mental burden as it is to me? I hope that I am not the only one feeling so uneasy. It would comfort me to see that some of the other classmates feel the same way.
Thank you for writing this. It's one of the most powerful blog posts I've ever read.
ReplyDeleteLike I promised, love the picture! And yeah, I think a lot of us felt the same way when we saw all the writings required on the syllabus. Here's to hoping that we'll eventually get a hang of it!
ReplyDeleteI like your blog, and I think your emotions surrounding this experience were very clearly expressed. In my opinion, anyone who speaks and writes in more than one language is awesome! Your bravery is admirable! Also, even though I am writing in my first language I think that in this class we are facing a lot of new information, and challenging situations which can seem overwhelming. Perhaps this blog environment is a way for us to support each other and bounce ideas around that will be helpful to us all.
ReplyDeleteI thought that you completely caught the feeling of self-consciousness you get when you put words to paper and realize that they will be read by someone else. This was an expression that obviously caught other people's attention and connected with them which is what a writer is trying to do. You have a good strong "voice" to your writing which is hard to come by.
ReplyDeleteFor those of us who are native English readers and writers and lack the experience of trying to express ourselves mainly in another language, I am curious about how you feel about this acquired/learned language. Joseph Conrad, the novelist wrote his works in English (not his first language). Are you self-concious (like we all are) about writing or writing in a learned language? Since you do write and write well would you choose to write in English?
Thanks for all the comments :)
ReplyDeleteemkillory, if I had to write a well-structured piece of writing, such as college papers, I would choose to write in English, mainly because I've learned to write in English but not in Korean. Although, if it's something informal, such as diary or something, I'd prefer to write in Korean, because it's easier to "project my thoughts" into words in more "versatile" ways.
I agree with Dave. Very powerful. I'm coming to this post late, but I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. And I commend you for being brave enough to talk about your vulnerability. But I understand this post completely, and the clear intent of the writing as well as the emotion shared is one of the strongest pieces of writing I've read in a long time. Thanks.
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